Sunday, April 5, 2009

Darn Dexa!!!

When I visited my gynecologist the other day, I was given a shot of dexamethasone on the butt, and another to take home for Friday's shot, to be done by a qualified gynecologist of course. The purpose was to help baby's lungs to mature, in anticipation of the early delivery. The first shot was pretty painful, but the second one was easier to handle. But what I did not expect was this lethargy that engulfed me this entire weekened!!

Well, it could be due to something else, you can never be sure with cancer cells in your body. It could just be them zapping up all the nutrients I so eagerly consumed for the sake of my baby. But there I was lying down on the couch like I'm already on chemo, and breaking my promise to my little girl that we would play with water colours today...

And Qistina, my angle, has a lot to cope with at such a young age. She already understands what being sick means, because Mummy is always too tired or too sick to play. She would repeat to me, as she softly touches the place where my left breast used to be and said "Hurt here? Not hurt here?" as she moved her little fingers to my reconstructed right breast. She knows that she is forbidden from asking me to carry her around in my arms, but what mother could resist such pleasure so I carry her anyway, from time to time when my body could handle it and when the father is not around. Then she would ask me to carry her on my good side, because the left side hurt. And she never asks me for a ride on the back either...

How I wish for all these restrictions and limitations to be over so my life could resume. I have a huge mountain range in front of me, but I'm not sure if I'm all equipped to conquer it all.

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