Monday, April 20, 2009

From The Hospital...

I'm writing this from HKL. I'm severely depressed. I cry at least 7 times a day. Some days I managed to keep my spirit up, telling myself all will turn out fine. Most days however, I'm a wreck...

I was given spinal anesthetic during the c-sec, so I was happy to hear Qays' screamed the moment he was born. It was beautiful. Then he was taken away and I didn't get to see him until the day after...

He was diagnosed with Respiratory Depressed Syndrome, which is expected in premature babies, but it pisses me off because I did take the Dexa shots twice! But that wasn't all. He also has a condition called PDA, Patent Ductal Asteriosus. The hole in is heart which is supposed to close after birth did not, flooding his left lung with poor oxygen, making it difficult to breathe.

I have confronted a lot in my life. I have cancer cells in my body right this minute, multiplying happily. But even that doesn't make me as depressed as I am now with my son's survival uncertain.

Today he started on Indomethacin, a type of drug that could and in his case WILL shrink and eventually close the hole in his heart.

But Qays is beautiful, as beautiful as the sound of his name. He's fair with sharp nose (unlike mine which resembles jambu air at its best), and long fingers and toes.

I love him to pieces already...

Do pray for us, for his complete recovery.

2 comments:

Raden Galoh said...

Salam sis...
My heart goes out to you sis... Allah Maha mengetahui..dariNya juga ujian diberi sebagai yg terbaik bagi kita hamba-hambaNya... apa yg berlaku tentu ada hikmah disebaliknya. Serahkan yg tidak pasti itu pada Allah. Itu hak Dia. Hak kita pula mencari keredhaanNya...

Doa saya sentiasa mengiringi...jika terlalu depress, basah hati dan lidah dgn zikir... jgn mudah membenarkan emosi menguasai fikiran dan hati... ianya racun dalam sekam, makanan sel kanser yg ada di dalam bdn...elok kita bersangka baik dgn Allah Sang Pencipta dgn byk mana pun ujian yg Dia beri... ada sebab tersendiri dan hanya Dia Yg Maha Tahu.

Hang in there ya.

hugs.

mem-Besar said...

salam! m just a passer by .. tapi nak singgah sebentar

*hugs* sabarlah .. setiap satu kepedihan yang ditimpakanNya, akan digantikan dengan sepuluh kebahgiaan lain .. yakinlah.

Akan doakan semoga Allah beri kekuatan dan tabahkan semangat you .. redhalah. InsyaALlah setiap satu yang berlaku itu ada hikmah tersembunyi ..